A hard days write

2006-12-12T22:09:00.000Z

it seems to be the pattern now that I only blog when something is up...oh well its nice to be able to get stuff off my chest.

'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart'. (Psalm 37:4)

'He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them' (Psalm 145:19

but when,when does he do it??!! I'm not angry with the situation i find myself in just I'm getting impatient,I know this is wrong...BUT I AM ONLY HUMAN!!!!! is it posible that im bein tricked and the actul desires of my heart are hidden so deep down and these ones tht i think are my desires are just ones i'm being tricked into to thinking........................ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr i dont know!

im sory thi is a bit of a ramble but anyways.........................

x x x

2006-10-03T21:27:00.000Z

When Life hands you an Onion....what the heck....break down and cry!

'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.' phillippians 6v4

How do you explain that to non-Christians?especially when times are at there worse? Life is at its toughest its been for a while now,but more then ever before I have complete confidence and belief in this verse and in fact,all of God's promises to me.I wish I could be certain that everyone who I love and care for knew about this promise to them.I wish i could tell them that although things seem at there worse now,they are certainly going to get better because our Lord God as said it will be so.

How can I reassure them without coming across as just another God botherer ,or appearing un-sensitive? I know these problems are supposed to make us stronger and that it is all part of God's plan but sometimes it kinda feels that I (and my family) have become God's personal joke.I guess this might of been a bit how Job felt when he was the brunt of everything.Now,don't get me wrong i'm not comparing my situation in any way to Job,and i pray that I will never know that much physical suffering,but...well you know what i mean.I can really understand where the guy who wrote psalm 73 was coming from when he talks about 'coming close to the cliff' and how sometimes we feel a thousand miles from the shelter of the Lord.

No,can't think lie that have to remember the verse from phillippians! think this will have to be my mantra for a while....

2006-09-19T22:06:00.000Z

Take 2

Well I'm back,so ok most of you knoew tht already! for those who dont know i have technically been back since the 1st of september,when believe it or not Liverpool and studentdom actually resembled a ghost town! (apart from the dedicated medics!) Parents and and Nan came to help me move in and that was great but it meant that when everyone left it was pretty quiet.

The following days were spent watching to much daytime tv then is healthy for someone and going around collecting as many application forms as possible in the great job hunt I decided to bail like i was on the Titanic and decided to go back to Brighton.Now,I dont why but this time when I came to LIverpool I was soooooooooooooooo homesick,tears and everything.Its silly now i think about it and it confirms what a loser I am but it just ached how much I missed home!!!!

that was a week ago and i came back to Liverpool yesterday and so far its ok this time.I was so glad to see evryone aswell,I missed my frineds som much!!!!The house is full now,everything has started again and uni is coming to life-I really want to get back into some work and do it properly this time round.Its good to be back (2nd time round)

well just a brief one this time to make sure everyone knows im stiil here................................
x x x

P.S. Facebook.com!!!!!!!

2006-06-16T18:26:00.000Z

Chalk,Cheese and genes

I'm sure many have heard me say on many occasions that my sister and I are less then friendly and that if at all popssible we try to avoid each other.When one is home for 3 months this is easier said then done.

I don't ever remember being close to my sister,5 years elder, we never played together as children,were never at the same school at the same time as each other and our parents never encouraged us to have the same hobbies and intrests.Part of the reasons for these differences is down to the circumstances in which we have lived.When my parents divorced she was 10 years old and quite obviously remembers everything,what life was like not having to want for anything and being able to have whatever she wanted.This was worsened by the fact that she was most certainly a Daddy's girl.Lucky for me I was never that (my real Dad never wanted 2 children) and I don't remember anything about our more wealthy past.

Things really changed when my sister was taken out of the private school she was at because our father refused to pay the fees and there was no hope that my mum would be able to pay.With this she was quickly put into the secondary school that I would later go to.This was a shock, as i'm sure I have mentioned that this is not one of the nicest schools ever-this reflected and my sister went from a good hard working student to another casualty of an under funded comprehensive.

Now, at one point my sister was one of the up and coming stars of Great British diving she would spend hours and hours training and it was the one thing that gave her some form of structure and point to her life.Like all else this came to an abrupt end when she suffered an injury while at the trials for the Great Britain olympics team which would go to the Atlanta olympics which ended her diving career.The final nail in the coffin.

After this she intensified her relationship with her life-guard boyfriend and did less then amazing in her GCSE's after doing retakes at a college she then went to another college and did a HND in sports science and coaching,which she quit two weeks before graduating because her and her boyfriend were going through a tough spot.They were in loads of debt and had to nearly bankcrupt my mum and step dad to get her out of it-living outside her means is still a hobby for her! (I think it comes from being spoiled as a child!)

Anyways while this was al going on and as we got older rather then clubbing together thought the bad times we grew further and further apart and she developed and strong resentment for me thinking that she had some how been hard done by and that we were treated diffreently and she was frowned upon etc etc.In our family your taught from an early age that you have to work hard to get something and if you don't succeed it is no one's fault but your own,with Anna it is always someone elses fault,usually mine.

So,she ends up working in tele sales and does quite well,yet still remains in debt (a big bone of contention for her and one that raises constant arguments between everyone in the family).Just recently she just got a new job,still in the same company but in coparate buying-where she getes a company credit card and phone and where she must have a car! (aparently).She needs one so she goes out and buys one.Now dont get me wrong I'm happy for her that things are finaly starting to work out,but it is hard when by my family's philosophy she deffinitly does not deserve it.

Many of you probably think this is really petty but are relationship is turning into hatred every part of who I am she attacks.What scares me is that I have no real emotions to her other then indifference.Now of course I pray for her slavation and that she will lern of Gods wonders and I also know that once she knows this she will be rid of all the hurt,hate and resentment that is in her heart,but its so hard and I know that when I am home her attitude rubs off on me and i adopt a tough shell so that she can not hurt me and my toungue becomes sharp.IT IS SO HARD! and is the one part of coming home I do not enjoy.Please pray for her!

sorry for the long post but I can not voice this at home as it causes more arguments!
Miss and love you all!
x x x

2006-05-28T20:56:00.000Z

...And in the end...

picture the scene; I'm cruising down the motorway at the legal 70 mph [give or take 10-15 mph ;)] rocking out to Colin andEdith on radio 1 and i'm just about aproach the top of the M25,1 hr from home! then the car makes a very strange sound and well gives up the will to live. I left Liverpool at 12:3 p.m. and I got home at.... 9:45 p.m. Apart from the fact that my dear little car has decided to die on me resulting in me being held hostage!!!! independance...gone....ahhahahahahah.

Well that is probbaly an over exaggereation but you know me always the drama queen :).On a more serious note I'm missing everyone loads!!!! Some I'm missing more then others (you know who you are!) and I'm still adjusting to the fact that it won't be 3 1/2 months until I see you again.Did I say that Brighton is a great place to come for a long weekend! lol.

So thats it for now prepearing for my Nan's 70th birthday party tomorrow so im gonna go!

Love you all!!!!!! keep in touch!!!!!Love you all!!!!!!

2006-04-09T14:01:00.000Z

Stompin' at the Savoy

Blue skies,white fluffy clouds,a strong westerly blowing at about 15mph...April and indeed spring really shows off Brighton at its best,sandwiched between the beauty of the south downs and rolling hills to the north and the expanse that is the English Channel to the South (at this time of year the sea reflects the colour of the sky, which at this point in time is a deep turquoise and the sun tends to glisten on the water as the waves catch the light).If you go down to the quiter parts of the beach out of town you can hear the unique sound that only pebel beaches make as the thousands of smooth stones get racked back and forth on the shore line by the current as the tides make their way up and down the beach over the course of 24 hrs.As I'm sat here writing this I'm listening to track after track of songs I've not listened to in a long long time each with many fond memories attached...Ella Fitzgerald singing 'Stompin' at the Savoy' and 'Don't get around much anymore', Fred Astaire 'Dancing Cheek to cheek' and Glen Miller and his Orchestra with 'Moonlight Seranade' and any number of Django Reinhart tracks (I remember the firswt time I ever heard some of his stuff-it was at the Lewes guitar festival) I think back to learning to play these songs on the clarinet,listening to a mix tape my clarinet teacher had made for me when I was about 10 years old of all these 'standards' and how I would sit and listen and just longed to be able to play these songs all day long...the ultimate escape.Thats one of the joys of being young,you have the chance to escape from things you don't want to face,they don't have to bother you because,well your too young and someone else will sort them out for you! Shame there is no such luck when you are an adult,the only concelation is that we don' have to face anything alone as God is always on our side.There was potentially so many things I was going to have to face coming home,but God has been good and they have not troubled me so now I know that they are done and dusted and that I do not have to fear them anymore-the people envolved have made their dicisions quite clear,sometimes actions speak louder then words! So,so far so good i feel a million miles away from where I am in Liverpool but physically and mentally but I think that is a good thing.Now all I need to do is work out which one is the twighlight zone and which is reality?

2006-02-28T09:48:00.000Z

*Insert title here!*

Over the last couple of weeks things have been strange,not in a bad way probably in a really good way.....Some things have become clear e.g. I am sort of definitely sure this is where I am supposed to be and although I miss 'home' so so so much I'm not gonna give up and go away.Also with the 1st semester exam results I now know for sure that I have made the right decision about doing music instead of media studies or something equally useless as that,Which is a big hahaha to some of my tutors at college or thought I had made the wrong decision!

Also,just recently I have just had this complete yearning to just read and study the Bible and just completly absorb Gods word.I realized this when I was doing my one to one with Naomi (from church) and a little voice inside of me sort of went "...I could so just stay here all day and talk about and learn from this..." Even when she gave me loads of 'homework' to do I didn't mind even though it meant reading loads of stuff! Also at the moment I am just taking every opportunity to go to seminars and talks etc.Take for example,this Saturday there is a music ministry seminar type thing near Preston,the other day Naomi just asked me if I wanted to go..Now usually I would make up some sort of excuse like "oh I have got quite a bit of work to do.." or "I dont think I will learn much from it" etc (I know it sounds kinda lame but stick with me) but instead before I had had a chance to say no I had already said Yes,even though it does involve being on the road by 8:00 am on a Saturday!

I know all of this stuff sounds probably not that interesting but, to me its amazing! I have never before been this involved in my faith...And I'm busy with it and it feels amazing...kinda like the more you put into it the more you get out of it.I'm playing in the band regularly in CU and at Church ,which I have never done before and I LOVE IT! being able to serve God through doing the one thing I most love is just so satisfying and amazing and like I have said before I would quite happily play in both every week.What is even more satisfying about it is that I am being challenged and called to think about even the act of worship and why we do it...This was started from the seminar Maurice ran at church a couple of weeks (I'm not going to talk about that yet becasue this is a positive blog which is plenty long enough already!)

ALSO...........How amazing is God? he amazes me more and more....when I least deserve it he blesses me,when I'm in trouble he comes and sorts me out and even when it looks like there is absolutly no point in trying to sort things out he sorts out the problems?! Like since September I have been looking for a job with absolutley no sucess...obviously the jobs were wrong or the time was wrong because I had no results.Then last Thursday I randomly send my CV off to a person who had advirtised on the Uni careeres website,about 1/2 an hour later the lady phones me up asks to go and see her on the following monday,I do, and now I'm just waiting for some work! She also said she will keep on the books indeffintily,so potentially work for the course of my degree! Another thing for absolutly ages (maybe 10-11 yrs) my paretns didn't sttle to a church,we go to one for a bit and then stop and then we'd go to another one,we find a really good one but then would have to leave and in the end they just kinda gave up I think...then i go off to uni and they start going to a house a group and then they starting going to church every week on a Sunday morning! thats weird when we had spates of going to church we would only ever go inthe evening! God is so amazing but a complete riddle!! but praise Him for how just complelty awesome He is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well thats that--keep tuned for the thoughtfull Blog this was just the "ahhh how amaaaazing" blog!

Love you all!
Nicola x x x

2006-02-15T15:26:00.000Z

Long time no post!

So its been a while....partly because the blogging hype seems to be over but anyhoo it wasn't just a fad with me I will continue to post the usual dribble!!

quite a lot has gone on,it was housing week last week but I dont want to think about that anymore! until next year wheb we have to move in!

I have been felling a little bit I huess home sick recently,partly that was to do with the hous stuff and because I know that my parents can't come and see me before easter and that this week they are going to see my cousins in Wales because it is half term this week.

on a better note its mission week this week! and although i haven't done as much as some people on monday I did do an action group with the agape team,so basically go up to completly random people and start a conversation about faith and christiananity etc. probably one of the more scary things i have done i a while but I actually quite enjoyed it-I guess its easier with complete strangers because your not essentially gonna go and see them again if it goes really wrong...I have also heard some people talking about lunch bars and other mission week stuff........

well exam results out this friday so fingers crossed for then!!!!!

Nicola x x x

2006-01-24T22:19:00.000Z

ode to friends!

I am so blessed,I have some fo the most caring,fantastic,marvellous, understanding friends ever!
i know its soppy but it had to be done! im listening to Jamie Cullum and am feeling a bit soppy!
so this is to all of you who read this blog!

May my friendships always be
The most important thing to me;
With special friends I feel I'm blessed,
So let me give my very best.
I want to do much more than share
The hopes and plans of friends who care;
I'll try all that a friend can do
To make their secret dreams come true.
Let me use my heart to see,
To realise what friends can be,
And make no judgements from afar,
But love my friends the way they are.

2006-01-19T23:09:00.000Z

Signs...

So...I sat down this afternoon to do my quiet time and it felt really good,haven't had a good one on one with God since before christmas.So i sit down and start reading and then i prey,and at the moment I'm particuly praying for wisdom to make the right descisions and I have been saying simialr prayers for a while now,at some points I have basically begging Him to show me the right way to go.Now at times I have said that I know what I have to do,which path to walk,but in actual fact I HAVE NO IDEA what answer God has given me,I just can't see it or hear it or feel it or...whatever!! Now i'm not saying I'm loosing faith not at all,I know He has probably given me answers a zillion times its just that I'm being to thick to reconize it?! i dunno!?!?yes i am starting to freak out a little bit!!!

The thing is time is running out a bit quick for descision making and it scares me that I,for whatever reason can't hear it when God speaks to me,I know he has,because thats what he does when you need help right,He comes to our aid?!

God if you read blogs......a cloud or a tunnel of flames in the sky would be really helpful right now ,preferbaly arrowed shaped or like a magic 8 ball etc..

umm well that was a vent but I still dunno know what to do!!!!!!!!!*angry face*

2006-01-17T12:57:00.000Z

so....I'm back,your back pretty much everyone is back.I have to admit its nice to be back,being at home for a month a really highlighted how different I am here to what I am at home and its odd but I feel more content and comfortable with my Liverpool self then my Brighton self.That in its self is stranged because at first when it was september I thought I had made a terrible mistake and wanted to go home.

Now don't get me wrong Christmas and New Years was good fun and I enjoyed spending it with my family and I didn't mind that I didn't see anyone I went to college or school with,since my best friend ditched me in yr 10 I havn't really had any close friends from that place anyways.What was stranged though was it was like stepping into some sort parallel universe,where even after 3 months of being away I slipped right back into it.It was as if nothing had changed.

In a way though that is also quite bad, becuase stuff needs to change and people need to move on from certain problems or issues that they have.That was especially strange because I laid a lot of those gohsts to rest before I came to uni and all through last term didn't think of them and then as soon as I returned home they were on everybody's at homes minds,because well that is where they live permanantly and I think its sad becuase they cannot see that these thing's are slowly and painfully eating away at them.I mean 14 yrs is a long time to carry something both physically and mentally.At least I know to trust in God and that he will heal it I just have to believe.

Good things also came out of it everyone appreciated me a lot more becuase I had been gone lol.My Mum and I seem to get on really well now,which is nice.But by the time i Was due to come back to Liverpool I was well ready,especially as most of my friends had been back for ages.

So bring on semester 2! There are a lt of things i'm not gonna do or experiance this semester that I did last becuase I just end up looking and feeling like a complete gibbon,and any issues that I had last semester with some people/things have completly gone and/or been resolved.So bring on developing friendships!

bye for now cherubs!
Nicola x x x

2006-01-06T21:33:00.000Z

I AM VERY PLEASED WITH MYSELF!! I MANAGED TO WORK OUT HOW TO CHANGE THE LINKS ALL ON MY OWN! I HOPE YOU ENJOY NOSING ABOUT MY WORLD THROUGH THE TINTERNET!

SEE YOU SOON EVERYONE!

nIcOlA

2006-01-02T22:37:00.000Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2006!!!!!!wow that's odd! Isn't it? I find it odd,but I always get a weird "New years blues" very similar to those end of term blues.....But I'm sure once I get in the swing things everything will be ok!

Well I hope everyone had a good Christmas,personally I had a FAB South Wales "Nadolig LLawen" (welsh) with some family and then a good New Year in Derby with the rest of my Dad's side of the family! And now its weird cause I hadn't planned to go back to uni until the 15th,but now part of me really wants to go back before,because everyone else is going back and I miss everyone and don't want to miss out! :( soooo silly,I know!:( but ho hum I think I my mum has sugnes me up for 2 weeks work so looks like I'm stuffed! You better all be missing me LOL only kidding :) thjkeghlkgjhorstyh AHHHH GINGER CAT ATTACKING KEYBOARD! Sorry folks I would delete that but I think it gives this blog character! :)

so I cant wait for what this bew year brings! Getting to know you all more,2nd year at uni,moving into a house! Its scary but I know God will give me the wisdom to make the right decisions!

So everyone please keep in touch and I will see you all soon *the crowd let out a heavy sigh*

Good night for now!

Nicola x x x

2005-12-12T22:21:00.000Z

.....ok, now for the real post........

greetings all.....
i'm sorry for the last post,especially those of you who took time to see if i had updated recently when you should have been researching/reading/writing/sleeping and all you got was my Sir Cliff Richard fest,i'm espeacially sorry if you have absolutly no idean who he is.I was feeling particular festive and well lets face it,there isn't a lot Cliff doesn't know about giving us a really,bloody awfull christmas song (download the millenium prayer if you want tp test this theory out!) Anyhoo...I feel there is a lot I need to write about but dont know where to start?? ooh I know...I have just noticed how I made no comment on my birthday and all the great things that went on and I got,this is not because I am selfish and just couldnt be bovered but because I 'm lazy and meant to write about it with all the intention in the world but it never actually happened,not much better I know,but I will try and make up for it now.I was V excited about my birthday,partly to take my mind off from the fact that it was my first birthday properly away from home.So at midnight on the day before (wed) I went up to my room after watching (Lost) and pottered around before thinking of going to bed.....and then about 12:20 I got my happy birthday visit from BJ and Cathy bearing gifts and hot chocolate! this was really good,especially as none of my friends from home remembered my birthday :(.Anyways from BJ and CK I got a DVD of one of the most amazing bands on the planet MAE which I LUVVV! and from cathy I got some maryland cookies,Paula bought me my tub ice cream! and all the cards and everything was much appreciated and are in fact still on my wall now! On the actual day of my birthday BJ treated me to lunch at Subway and Mama Cath (LOL) came and I got a really lovely card from her,THANKYOU GUYS! Then cheakily I commandered house party and the next week till we had the joint birthday bash the following weekend,which CK put on for me,Jacinth,Dan and Bethany where we ate horric amounts of chocolate and watched XFactor and had the customary late night phillosphical chat :) SO THANKYOU EVERYONE FOR ONE OF THE BEST BIRTHDAYS EVER,I WAS TRULY BLESSED! December as always has been a bit of a blur and not much has happened...well i say that but I have spent a lot of time just continuing to getting to know people and sharing some highly embarassing secrets (with some) for which I apoligise!! *me blushing*but I have to say that this term I feel like I have grown so much,I know i certainly still have many faults,one of which,my annoyingess as I keep on going ape about Christmas and going home even when I know some people are not going home,Im sorry guys but i will make up for the annoyingness with Brighton Rock in the new year! but God has resolved a lot of issues for me since I have been here and I feel so renewed and stronger in my faith now then I ever have done.It has been so refreshing to be here and just completly be myself and not have a past and stuff to live up to and be expected to fail at.I have met the best friends here and I hope and prey that I havnt put you off and that you still want to get to know me next semester! I also have to say that one of the best parts of this year for me has been in being able to buy christmas gifts and write christmas cards to some of (who i regard as) my closest friends here and through this act of giving show my apprecaition for them and let 'em know how great they all are! Soo back off to Brighton on Wednesday,Im gonna be there till the 15th of January (the 2nd yr medics would have forgotten they had had a holiday by then! lol) I'm gonna miss seeing you all over the break but Im sure i will be online lots of hopefully there will be lots of msning and skypeing going on!!!! prey for me on wednesday as im a little scared at my first solo drive back from Liverpool and the M25 round Heathrow is really scary and busy! For those of you who I can I will come and say goodbye tomorrow evening :(
But for now that is it.......

"So goodnight to all,and to all a goodnight!" ('The Night before Chritmas' yay its finaly nearly christmas time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-01T19:01:00.000Z

Personality Test

INFP:

INFP: "Questor". These people are idealistic, self-sacrificing, and somewhat cool or reserved. They are very family and home oriented, but don't relax well. High capacity for caring. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 1% of the total population.

value me im a mionority! LOL

2005-11-27T21:58:00.000Z

".......And so it is, just like they said it would be......."

Well house party is over for this year and the weeks and weeks of anticipation I think was deffinitly worth it,but for different reasons then I thought it would be.I admit I deffinitly went there with my mind on the social side of things rather then the Bible side of it,but I think God really spoke to me this weekend.

Justin's sermons on Haggai I thought were fantastic!!!!!! I have always found the Old Testemant really interesting but a big no no in the terms of understanding it.I thought that Haggai was going to be one of those really 'law' books and quite heavy etc if you get what I mean?! I was amazed at how clear Gods word was in this book and how completly applicable it is and how even this far back everything pointed to Jesus!!!! I never thought the signs of Jesus being the Messiah were this clearly pointed out in the Old Testemant!

The biggest thing that really moved me during the weekend was when in the 3rd meeting Justin talked about how "...bringing God down to our level is a common mistake.." and how so often we think that we can control and predict Gods will and think that we deserve his blessings,when infact it is by his grace alone that we recieve His blessings.The penny finally dropped for me here!!!!!!!! so often on my walk with Christ I have been angry and annoyed at Him because I have been doing what I think it was to be a 'perfect' Christian but yet my entire life is still in a pile on the floor! when I thought about how hugely powerfull,great,immence,loving etc God is!!!! and how insignificant and un-deserving I actually am compared to the awesome power of God I laughed at how I thought I could control His will and press a 'blessing's button'
GOD IS NEVER IN-DEBTED TO US!!! I found it so humbling to actually finally understand truely what this means! God chooses what,when,where and how we get our blessings.

there were loads of other thigs that I found so convicting e.g. about the priorities etc but this was the main thing that really hit me,which thinking is wuite odd because it should be so completly obvious!!!!!

2005-11-24T00:10:00.000Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

2005-11-23T15:31:00.000Z

My Pictures!
(they're from a phone camera so sorry about quality!)

Meet Anna,My sister

My Nan in a fez(dont ask?! :~)

My Uncle (Iain) the computer forensics uni lecturer caught reading a trashy mag!

My cousin William having a bit of shut eye!

The original Mad Cow! My Mum

The Late,Great Storm E Boy and Arny!

2005-11-21T23:13:00.000Z

MY HEEDS A PICKLED! Part 1 (say it in a scottish accent it works!)

Ephesians 5 iloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitiloveitihateitilo....
Yup you guessed it,its a monday night and I have just got back from hall group and hence here follows my deep thinking post.This week is different,it was great dont get me wrong but something really scared me/took me by surprise this week.....As you probably all know (because you are also studying it in hall group) this bit of the book is very basically described about how we can go about being as much like God as possible,and in it is discussed a lot of things that as christians we should avoid doing.Anyways while reading this the thing that scared me was a load of old feelings and attitudes that I had in my early teens when I was in my "i dont belive in God...." stage resurfaced,only for a split second mind you but then I just felt like I was totally failing in living like a christian and I had become one of those 'christian' by culture pople because in my life I could pick out situations in the last 3 days when I had done pretty much everyone of the things that Paul writes that God said we shouldn't in Ephesians.Whats worse aswell is that on numerous occasions I have prayed and people have prayed for me about these things and I had quite obviously not recieved Gods words on the prayers because I am still doing them! and im still denying as Judas did when people ask me what I have been doing,last week to my complete and utter shame and embarassement I even said to one of ,y non-christian friends on my course that I had become a member of CU just because I promised my Grandad I would-im holding back the tears as I think about it now,thats so not how i feel but for some reason at the moment Im just surrendering to the devil sooooooo easily!!!

But more to the point of Ephesians 5 thinking about it I am more often then not I am coarse in my joking,speak falsely,greedy,sexual immorality etc,all of those 7 things it says we shouldnt be! but part of me is really confused about them and I know a lot of it is because of the different interperations etc and me just being really dim! for example my Mum always encouraged us not to treat any subject as taboo,to speak openly about feelings and situations,most importantly on this list was sex and relationships etc (I think she worked on the premis that she rather new what we thought and what we might be up to then us try and hide it from her and get into trouble,if you know what I mean) so in my house we always discussed at loud (and in quite detail) with my sister being non-christian and 5 years older I have been exposed to quite a few hard core ideas.Now I'm not saying that I agree with all these conversaions I have had or heard but what I am trying to make out is that my tollerance of things might be a bit more acceptive then say someone who has led a reall really sheltered childhood (I hope you understand im not trying to sound likea complete idiot :)) but where does that leave ne in terms of being good with God?? am I being sexually immoral in my views by being more liberal??
I could go on for ages about the 'coarse jestering' aswell,I love telling a story and making people laugh,but unfortuantly,sometimes I do it in a really crude manner (especially when I am at home) its something I didnt grow out of at secondary school.I dont mean it rudelly its just funny and I pick up on it.I know we should not do things that hinder us in our struggle to be more like christ like watch coarse programs like comedy etc on TV but I srtugke with this and where it crosses the line of being Gods word to becoming legalism and humanly imposed rules? I think part of my confusion is the fact that I have been to so many different churched in my childhood which was partly good because I got a lot of different view points (strict old-skool Baptist and free evangelical churches are quite different!) but on the other hand I was never anywhere long enough to get taught about these things,and by the time I settled at my last church at home I had already had time to form ideas and interperate my beliefs differently to how the elders and the rest church saw them and just spent my whole time arguing and getting know reall answers!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I AM SO PICKLED!!!!!!!! I could go on for a while yet but I need sleep so I will have to call this part 1 of 2 and cpntinue it at a later date!!!

please leave me comments I really need guidance on these issues,i know a lot of them are 'secondary issues' on whether all christians have to agree on them and its a small part of my faith and dont get me wrong I sp believ that Jesus died for me and iam saved etc........but HELP!
i haven't read this as I have been going I have jts been ranting so Im sorry if it doesn't make sense but pleeaaaaase try and disipher it and give me the good advive I know you always give me everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the length ye everyone except music students of little time!!!!!!!
Nicola x x x

2005-11-17T16:38:00.000Z

TAGGED!

Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their xanga and tell them to read yours.> I was tagged by Nghia!

so here we go............

1) not only do I bite my finger nails but I am afraid I also eat my toe nails! in fact I have been known to delibertly not cut them so they are bigger and more satisfying to chew! (IM SO SORRY!)

2)Mayonaise sandwiches are one of my favourite foods!!

3) I would eat instant noodles for everymeal of everyday,especially spicy ones! I would also eat them cold.

4) I love picking and squeezing zits! I even some times look at people on the bus who I dont know and say tomyself "that one could do with a squeeze!" (SORRY AGAIN!!!!!! IM NOT SURE IF YOUR SUPPOSE TO BE THIS HONEST?!)

5) I havn't washed up my tea mug in a week and I am still making tea in it!

thats it i dont think i know 5 people with a blog....................the people i tag are.................
CK,Rachel,Ronny,Bea and whoevers blog is shown next when i press next!

2005-11-15T16:16:00.000Z

A good wholesome Bitch?

'let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth,but what is good for necessary edification,that it may impart grace to the hearers. (ephesians 4:29)

I have decided that this will be my 'memory verse' (sunday school stylee) for the next few weeks.As many of you know I really enjoy a good healthy Venting session (and those of you who didn't know,well I do!),I think it is a vital part of being a human being,it is deffinitly not healthy to keep all your thoughts to yourselves!Now different people get round this problem in different ways, be it in a journal/diary or in a blog or through conversation.Personally i'm a conversation person,but where I have problems is on defining the line where a good healthy vent becomes a not so wholesome bitching session?! Yesterday when this came up in our hall groups study of Paul's letters to the Ephesians it REALLY challenged me.At first I found it amusing how even in Biblical times they enjoyed a good gossip and a healthy vent (and who says the Bible isn't relevent?)but then i put my sensible cap on and realised this was deffinitly me and that I needed to take heed of this word!Now I am not saying that I am never going to say anything about anyone ever again,that would be un-realistic,but what I am saying id that I am going to try and stay on the healthy part of the line! and incase I forget that verse I have a back up one to drive the message home......

'A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks' (Luke 6:45).

In other news: I DIDN'T FAIL THE GERMAN ASSIGNMENT!!!!!! In fact it would have been a descent mark had she not deducted 10% for lateness,but as it is I still passed!!!! :)

well.......i think that it is it for now....................... have a good week all and remember tell me if I cross the line! ;)

2005-11-08T23:30:00.000Z

Some days really suck!!!!!!!!!!!! Today has been one of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It felt bad the moment I woke up,I should have deffinitly stayed in bed........

Liverpool weather has shown us its worst today,in other parts of the country it will be a damp day with a mixture of torrential down pour and drizzle.However,as you all know today it has been lashing it down all day! So with this we have the perfect back ground for the suckiest day that ever did suck................

So here are all the things that have made my day horrid!
1) First assignment ever at university and I completly muck it up....whats more annoying is that it isn't even for my music course, but my German course a shitty sub-sid which if I fail i fial the whole year,regardless of my music grades! :@ grrrrrrr and the turor is a complete witch who makes you feel about 4 years old!
2) You all probably know that 3 weeks ago my dog had to be put down,well this afternoon i phoned my mum to tell her about my crappy german lesson and didnt get that far......turs out she had to put my cat down.So since going to uni i have gone from having 4 pets to 2!
3) From that conversation I was told that the puppy we were going to get the week before christmas was stillborn!
4) I havnt got anyone I can can go and cry and hug and for them "to go dont worry things will get better..." and sit and talk and comfort me.....

well thats my day if you see me around give me a hug cause im gonna need it.......

2005-11-07T00:38:00.000Z

hi everyone sorry for the mamouth posts i will try to keep them short and sweet from now on!!!!!!

hope you all have a really good week,i'm gonna try and put some photos up but if it doesnt work you will have to wait and see!

night night
xxx

Storm E. Boy is now in doggy heaven.
here are some of his best photos!

caught in the Act! the rule is no animals on the sofa,it didn't really work!

He wanted to come on holiday too!

Thats all the pic of my fave bly more later!

2005-11-04T09:48:00.000Z

Hi all! for all those who dont know (Jacinth and CK) here is a typical Burns Night!!!!!

Robert Burns: poet and balladeer, Scotland's favourite son and champion of the common people. Each year on January 25, the great man's presumed birthday, Scots everywhere take time out to honour a national icon. Whether it's a full-blown Burns Supper or a quiet night of reading poetry, Burns Night is a night for all Scots.

The Burns Supper is an institution of Scottish life, a night to celebrate the life and genius of the national Bard. Suppers can be everything from an informal gathering of friends to a huge, formal dinner full of pomp and circumstance. This running order covers all the key elements you need to plan and structure a Burns Supper that suits your intentions.
The running order for a traditional Burns SupperPiping in the guestsA big-time Burns Night calls for a piper to welcome guests. If you don't want all that baggage, some traditional music will do nicely. For more formal events, the audience should stand to welcome arriving guests: the piper plays until the High Table is ready to be seated, at which point a round of applause is due.Chairman's welcomeThe Chairman warmly welcomes the assembled guests.

The Selkirk Grace:A short but important prayer to usher in the meal with a reading of The Selkirk Grace. Also known as 'Burns's Grace at Kirkcudbright.' Although the text is often printed in English, it is usually recited in Scots.Piping in the HaggisGuests should normally stand to welcome the dinner's star attraction, which should be delivered on a silver platter by a procession consisting of the chef, the piper and the person who will address the Haggis. A whisky-bearer should also arrive to ensure the toasts are well lubricated.During the procession, guests clap in time to the music until the Haggis reaches its destination at the table. The music stops and everyone is seated in anticipation of the address "To a Haggis".

Address to the Haggis:The honoured reader now seizes their moment of glory by offering a fluent and entertaining rendition of "To a Haggis". The reader should have their knife poised at the ready. On cue ("His knife see Rustic-labour dight"), they cut the casing along its length, making sure to spill out some of the tasty gore within ("trenching its gushing entrails"). Warning: it is wise to have a small cut made in the haggis skin before it is piped in. Instances are recorded of top table guests being scalded by flying pieces of haggis when enthusiastic reciters omitted this precaution!The recital ends with the reader raising the Haggis in triumph during the final line ("Gie her a Haggis!"), which the audience greets with rapturous applause.Toast to the HaggisPrompted by the speaker, the audience now joins in the toast to the Haggis. Raise a glass and shout: "The Haggis!" Then it's time to serve the main course with its traditional companions, neeps and tatties. In larger events, the piper leads a procession carrying the opened Haggis out to the kitchen for serving; audience members should clap as the procession departs.

The mealDinner: is served with some suitable background music. The sumptuous Bill o' Fare includes traditional cock-a-leekie soup before the main course ("Haggis wi' bashit neeps an' champit tatties"), followed by a sweet course of "clootie dumplin" (a pudding prepared in a linen cloth or cloot) or "Typsy Laird" (a Scottish sherry trifle).Afterwards comes the cheese board, served with bannocks (traditional oat-cakes) and tea/coffee/malt whisky.Variations do exist: beef lovers can serve the haggis, neeps and tatties as a starter with roast beef or steak pie as the main dish. Vegetarians can of course choose vegetarian haggis, while vegaquarians could opt for a seafood main course such as Cullen Skink.

The drink: Liberal lashings of wine or ale should be served with dinner and it's often customary to douse the Haggis with a "wee splash of whisky sauce", which, with true Scottish understatement, is whisky neat.After the meal, it's time for connoisseurs to compare notes on the wonderful selection of malts served by the generous host.

The first entertainment:The nervous first entertainer follows immediately after the meal. Often it will be a singer or musician performing Burns songs such as "My Luve is Like a Red Red Rose", "Rantin', Rovin' Robin", "John Anderson, my jo" or "Ae Fond Kiss, and Then We Sever". Alternatively it could be a moving recital of a Burns poem, with perennial preference for "Tam O'Shanter", "Holly Willie's Prayer", "To a Louse", "Address to the Unco Guid" or "For a' that and a' that".

The Immortal Memory : The keynote speaker takes the stage to deliver a spell-binding oratory on the life of Robert Burns. His literary genius, his politics, his highs and lows, his human frailty and - most importantly - his nationalism are the enduring themes. The speech must bridge the dangerous chasm between serious intent and sparkling wit, painting a colourful picture of Scotland's beloved Bard.The speaker concludes with a heart-felt toast: "To the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns!"

The second entertainment:More celebration of Burns' work, preferably a poem or song to complement the earlier entertainment.

The toast to the Lassies:The humorous highlight of any Burns Night comes in this toast, which is designed to praise the role of women in the world today. This should be done by selective quotation from Burns's works and should crescendo towards a positive note.The toast concludes: "To the Lassies!"

The third entertainment:Further indulgence in the works of the great man.

The reply to the toast to the Lassies:In mixed proceedings, a woman has the right of reply to the men's toast. Thanking the toast-master for his kind words is a necessary - and some times strained - formality, but the response offers the chance to upstage the men, again through cunning use of examples from Burns's life and works.

Final entertainment:As the last drops of malt are drained, a final entertainer bravely faces the (usually restless) audience.

Vote of thanks:The host now climbs to his potentially unsteady feet to thank everyone who has contributed to a wonderful evening… and to suggest that taxis will arrive shortly.

Auld Lang Syne:The chairman closes the proceedings by inviting guests to stand and belt out a rousing rendition of the famous tune. The company joins hands and sings as one, having made sure to brush up on those difficult later lines.

Optional extras:Lost Burns manuscripts: Some Burns Night suppers include a Lost Manuscript reading, where a participant with literary aspirations recites from a fictitious long-lost musing of the great man on a new subject.

2005-10-28T23:54:00.000Z

24/7 PRAYER STARTS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

ALL WEEK AT THE ANG CHAP!!!

2005-10-24T16:20:00.000Z

What do you write in one of these things anyways........?
As you can probably guess this is a first time for me,the art of the blog I am yet to learn,but in the past few months there have been a lot of firsts so why not add another?

This First Blog is just a kinda of retrospective on the last few weeks! Its been hectic and so this is just to let you all into my brain,the scary place that it is! hope it isn' to boring.

In September I left the secure,comfy feeling of home and went forth into the world of advanced academia that is university,travelling 6 hours up the motorway to Liverpool.Although admitidly a bit aprehensive once my parents had left me and I had spent a week and still only had met aqaintances,after a while i started to get into the swing of things,thanks to some special people who i hope I can now call good friends!

Isn't funny how our minds can play tricks on us? I have always had a very over active imagination, i often find myself playing out scenario's in my head as if they were a film.I had the same problems when I moved into halls,how I imagined it to be and how they actually are is a very different thing.

Anyways I digrese......

So I was a bit miserable my first week here........until i saw a poster advirtising a freshers BBQ being hosted by the CU.I was not hoping for much but what I got from that BBQ was the best ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and especially those who I would now call 'friends' who I met at the BBQ-BJ,CK,Nghia,Jcinth,Cathy,Bethany (sorry if I have left anyone off) and thankyou to Barney who gave me my first hug in a week!!!!!

After that everything seemed a lot better!

For me finding friends was very important because I certainly don't have enough work to keep me busy so I had a lot of opertunity to be lonely and bored! Being that most people on that list of friends are medics I was sure this would be a problem as they have insane amounts of work!

This is when I met my TV friends Paula,Jenny,Matt and David.Each of them are quirkey and different in their own special ways and we have had some very interesting conversations! and a lot of laughs!

This good mixture of friends was just what I needed 3 weeks ago when I got a phone call from my Mum saying I should come home if I wanted to see my dog,Storm before he died....Now I know there may be some people reading this who do not like animals so if this you just imagine this is a close family member i am talking about and then you will understand how it feels! Storm had kidney disease and they started to fail so it was his time to go to doggy heaven,this meant I was sad again,but once I had seen him I knew it was time so I tried to prepare myself for the time.I thought I was fine but then other stuff went on which made it a bit harder to cope with........all I'm going to say to that is,BJ thanks for the hug it really helped!

All is calm once more and I have a reaing week soon so I think I will go home for that?

well I think that is it for now...........

Nicola

"On a long enough timescale the survival rate for everyone drops to zero"